aimlessly suffering

16.

Biked to work.  That is all. 

17.

Picked up Rita and headed for the hills at 7am.  Your plan was to tag Bear and Green twice each.  You made it to Green twice.  Bear, once.  You slipped and fell on top of Bear, bruising your right glute muscle.  Made the rest of the run uncomfortable.  Plus you had to rush Rita to the airport.  And she still missed her flight.  At least you got your 16 miles w/ 6,000 ft. 

18.

Ran 11.8 miles b/f work. 

Bike to and from work.  9 miles. 

Ran Green Mountain Lakewood.  Legs a little tired. 

19.

Worked 12.5.  Ran 4.8 at Lair O the Bear.  Then another 5.6 at Sanitas / Shadow canyon.  Tired.  Writing bills.  The only people that call or come over are the landlord or the cops.  It’s hot.  You’ve been heat training at work.  It was 95 yesterday.  98 today.  You drove around w/ the windows up and the heat cranked and blowing on your face.  Sweat like a mother.

20.

Today, B #3 sent the cops to your work, looking for you. Just to ask you a couple of questions.  Sometimes you hate Colorado as much as you love it. 

7.83 miles after work. 

21.

Picked up Rita from the airport and as soon as she could see Long’s Peak and you told her that it was the biggest around, she wanted to climb it.  How cool!

You both made it to about 13,000 feet but her altitude sickness and your nervousness of avalanches made you turn back.  You stopped and thought about it but you both really needed ice axes and what you are walking on is not safe at all.  You think you made the right move.  12 miles and almost 5,000 vert feet!

22.

5.47 miles up and down Green Mountain.  2,500 vert feet.  Not much time for running.  Busy talking to cops all day thanks to B #3.  Pussy!

23.

Bike 9.  Kind of a rest day.  B #3 moved everything out.  You are in shock.  And happy. 

24.

AM:

You and Rox make the drive into Boulder and park at Chat.  Run up Green and make the traverse over to Bear Peak.  You are pretty numb all day due to recent events in your life.  Physically you feel great.  Mentally, you are just trying to hold it together.  You are just putting energy into training and running.  That’s really all there is, at this point. 

11 miles.

Nearly 5,000 vertical feet.

3 hrs.

PM:

7.41 miles w/ some push ups and jumping squats thrown in.  Saw a beautiful sunset behind Long’s Peak!

25.

Quick 3.85 morning run.  Tired but you just want to get things movin. 

Bike 4.5 to work.

Run up Green Mountain (Lakewood) for lunch break.  You PR by about 7 minutes.  When you reach the summit the floodgates open.  It sure seems like God is talking to you and giving you answers about recent prayers and concerns.  It’s so emotional you break down and cry and you find yourself happier than you’ve been in quite a while.  You bomb down. 

Bike 4.5 home.

26.

Bike to work. 

Run 3.87 miles at Lair ‘O the Bear as a break from work while driving out in the mountains.  It’s really nice running w/ no shirt in the AM. 

Work 12 hours.

Bike home.

Take care of some business, couple errands. 

Run 9.17 at Davidson Mesa.  You averaged 7:30s w/ a 6:40 and a 6:30 dropped in there. 

Big ol salad for dinner!

27.

Monday.  Run 10.8.  Bike 9 mile commute to and from work.  Listen to Rich Roll Podcast.  There are two episodes that he interviews Mishka Shibala.  I like those two the best.  Also listened to Joey ‘Coco’ Diaz and The Church of What’s Happening. 

28.

AM:  7.54 miles

PM:  8.23miles

29.

Brenden picks you up at 2:30 on the dot.  You begin easy conversation, not really knowing each other at all.  There is more snow up there than you imagined, wearing shorts and trail runners.  You brought your microspikes and it was a good thing you did.  But you should have brought pants and something gor-tex.  And warmer gloves.  And a winter hat.  But as usual you just march on up to the top w/out enough gear, bound and determined to just hammer it out and get the thing done no matter what.  You haven’t been up this high since last year and the altitude is effecting you for sure.  In fact you’re really struggling.  Why?  Are you out of shape?  Or is it just the fact that you are here on no sleep, marching up for the grandest sunrise view of all?  Brended passed and offered to break trail.  Then he just took off and you couldn’t even keep up w/ him.  And you’re the ultrarunner.  How is that possible?  Off he goes and he summits four or five minutes b/f you.  It crushes you a little.  You buy him breakfast and he drives you home.  You spend the rest of the day in a sleepless funk.  Half watching tv, half not.  Not really doing much of anything. 

30.

A horrible day.  Rotten from the start.  Everything is wrong and no one understands what you mean.  You go way out of your way several times throughout the day for nothing.  You waste a lot of time.  Wasting time makes you grumpy.  The volunteer work you were supposed to do the next day falls through.  Everything falls apart.  But as bad as your day is, when you get home you see a guy that you met the other day.  He wants to climb all the 14ers this summer and he says he’s doing Quandary tomorrow.  You randomly decide to tag along.  He says he’ll pick you up at 2:30am.  That inspires you to go for a 7.8 mile run around the hood and just stay up all night getting shit done.  Getting shit done son.  

31.

Rest days just make you grumpy. 

32.

AM:

You only get a mile into your run when the skies open up and the lightning sends you home.  2 miles total.  Woo hoo.

PM:

You run up and down Green Mountain (Lakewood).  It’s about four miles w/ 800ish feet of vert. 

33.

You get up b/f anyone else and run 10.

Later that day you take your niece and sister up an 8,000 plus foot mountain.  Just a wee little 500 feet of gain.

34.

Bells at 4am.  Your sister is in town and she signed up for her first race, the Boulder Boulder 10k.  It’s not easy b/c it’s at 5,000 feet plus elevation.  She made it w/out walking a step.  She pushed and loved every minute of it.  You were glad to be a part of her first (and hopefully not LAST) race. 

35.

This run ain’t gonna run itself!

From home, headed out to the McCaslin trails.  They’re flat and crushed limestone.  You wear the Hokas to make sure your body is feeling alright and then go for it.  Tired and slow.  10.9  miles…

36.

JMP wanted to run and you went w/ her.  Just a neighborhood run of about 4.5 miles.   After you got home, you packed up and headed out on the bike.  The bike ride was rough b/c you were wearing split shorts and trail running shoes (w/ clipless pedals).  You got it done.  Biked to Chatauqua and ran the entire Mesa trail.  You wanted to snag Bear Peak too but you were running out of water.  You begged some water off the Ranger and biked on home.  Decent little day…

Run 18 miles, 3,049 feet

Bike 20 miles, 3,69 feet

37.

Work.  Work 13 hours.  Run 2.5 somewhere throughout the day.  Do 100 push ups, sit ups, and squats somewhere throughout the day.  At a random park.  You are so tired you usually can’t see.  After work you have to pick up a box spring.  It’s 10:30pm by the time you get home.  You left at 7:30am.  What’s happening?  You’re welcome. 

38.

14 miles from apartment.

Stretch, meditate, foam roll, eat.

39.

AM:

Run 11.18 miles from the apartment.

PM:

Run Green Mountain (Lakewood) as a break from work.  Have never been here.  Just head up the biggest hill around.  Run all the way to the top and then bomb down.  Had a BLAST and felt great.  You needed this run!  5ish miles w/ 900ish feet. 

40.

9 mile bike commute.

Work 15 hours.  You listen to The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron and it blows your mind. 

Run 7 miles while out in Evergreen.  Lair O The Bear.  Nice trails out here.  880 feet. 

41.

Run commute to work.  You don’t enjoy running on concrete w/ a heavy backpack.  9 miles.

42.

10 miles the day after a 50k in the mountains.  And the run feels great!  Playful and progressive.  Just a nice cruise that has you smiling the whole time.  Foam roll and stretch out afterwards.  Feeling great!

43.

You don’t sleep after the big mountain night.  Part of the training is definitely to stay up throughout the day and be tired.  Preferably on your feet.  But you eat a lot!

Things That No One Will Know About and No One Will Care About

44.

It’s Friday.  You work 12.5 hours.  You bicycle commute 9 miles.  At about 9:30pm you begin to pack everything you’ll need in order to move fast through the mountains all night on no sleep.  A couple of hydration packs, gels, baby food, sweets, caffeine, a couple of headlamps and you are off!

Start 10:30pm.  JMP runs the entire Mesa Trail w/ you.  She’s never ran trails in the dark so it’s a new experience for her.  You are both slowed down a lot but the slow pace is nice.  No pressure.  You see lots of eyeballs out there, reflecting off both of your high beams.  Mostly deer.  After 13 miles, JMP is done for the night.  It’s nearly 2am.  When she takes off, you head back out to the hills.  You grind up Green Mountain for a 2am summit.  You actually see one other runner out there.  He is geared up in Hokas and compression w/ a fancy headlight.

I’m not the only crazy one out here in the middle of the night? / you say.

Ahaha / is all he says, seriously.  He’s focused on his run and feeling good. 

Know what comes after Green?  Bear.  You take the Green / Bear trail and start to feel pretty good.  You gain some energy and run.  And climb.  And run.  Your mind is clear and uninhibited.  You are thinking about everything and nothing.  It’s going on 3am and you are climbing another mountain.  Why?  B/c it makes you feel alive.  More alive than ever.  More alive than all the sleeping people in the city down below.  You are willing to stay up all night and do dangerous things by yourself.  Things that no one will know about and no one will care about. 

When you make Bear Peak summit, it’s 4:30am.  Roxy is tired.  It’s really tricky for her to make it up to the tippy top but she’s getting better.  Once she does, she lays down, curls up and goes right to sleep.  You sit down and enjoy the view of Boulder.  You’ve never been up here at night.  You eat.  You thank whoever is watching out for you.  And after about 20 minutes, you and Rox head down, down, down into the morning.  You wonder how long it’ll take b/f you see the early bird runners on their way up.  It takes a while but b/f long, one guy is still sleepy eyed and on his way up.  Then a woman.  You wonder if they can smell it on you.  The all night mountain adventure, coming to a close. 

You get back to the truck at 6am.  The sun is up and the day is happy.  You are wired.  There’s no way you’ll be able to sleep.  You drive home and shower and eat and make some fresh beet and carrot juice and lay down on the couch.  You put the compression on and your feet up.  And then you find yourself w/ a big cheesy grin, smiling at the ceiling…

Work: 12.5 hrs.

Bike: 9 miles.

Lunch break:  100 push ups, 100 jumping squats, 100 crunches.

After work:  32 miles, 5,400 feet of elevation gain and descent, 7.5 hours, 2 summits.

45.

Your day off.  You spend hours cleaning and setting up the new digs.  Comcast guys come over.  Trips to laundry, grocery, hardware etc.  It feels good to have a home again.  You can breathe this air comfortably and relax.  And smile.  Even Roxy smiles at more now…

46.

You slept on the floor of your new apartment.  The air here is much nicer, less toxic.  Goodbye B #2.

You run from the new apt.  You find some flat trails that you know Roxy and you will be frequenting regularly. 

Later that night you finish moving everything over.  You are exhausted from a LONG day at work and three days of moving.  Your diet has been bad.  You haven’t logged many miles.  At 2am, you find yourself in your new apartment w/ your things scattered everywhere.  You finally have it all here.  You are falling asleep w/ a glass of wine in your hand.  Exhausted.  Old chapter closes, new chapter begins.

47.

AM:

You are out in Evergreen for work today.  You stop at Lair O the Bear and run a quick 5 miles w/ approx. 800 ft.  You do your push ups and squats barefoot in the dirt.  Perfect break in the middle of a LONG day. 

PM:

Move more stuff. 

48.

You get the keys to your new place a couple of days early.  Exercise and mileage for the week will be primarily carrying heavy boxes down 3 floors, driving them 20 minutes and carrying them up a different 3 flights of stairs. 

49.

AM:

You and JMP drive up to Wild Basin in Rocky Mountain National Park.  The trail starts at about 8,000 feet and there is still snow up there.  You are running in short shorts and running shoes, so you both decide to just run leisurely up until there’s too much snow.  W/ the up and down, you come out to about 8 miles and some nice vert. 

PM:
You and Roxy head out to NCAR w/ hopes for vertical miles.  Shouldn’t be a problem.  You are feeling tired and almost having some trepidation about the run.  But as soon as you get going, things begin to feel fantastic!  You climb Bear Peak and descend the other side and head over for Green Mountain for a double!  You run down and have to run the Mesa trail for a few miles to make it back to your truck.  You make it back to your truck just b/f dark.  You are dehydrated, starvin marvin and happier than ever.  Today just became a 20 mile day w/ 5,000 feet! 

50.

AM:

Bike an uninspiring and uneventful 37 miles back and forth from work.  You have some friends racing today and you love hearing about how well they did.  It makes you jealous.  Your running season is not starting the way you would have liked it to.

PM:

You drive out to Chatauqua hoping to get some miles in but just as you are headed out there, it begins to rain.  Rain hard.  Not such a big deal but d/t your transitory living situation, you have no place to bath Roxy if she gets muddy.  You can see which way the storm came from and which way it’s going and so you imagine Sanitas is fairly dry.  You drive over there and do a loop.  3.2 miles, 1,240 feet up for the first 1.5 miles.  Short but beautiful!

51.

Today is a long work day so you are only able to run a quick 4.5 in the dark after work. 

52.

AM:

8 miles in the rain.

PM:

Gym.  Ride the bike a little for a warm up.  Then weights, core, stretch. 

Later on, you meet John at White Ranch.  Some beautiful trails out there.  He only has about an hour, so you push it up at a pretty good pace.  Then bomb down.  6.5 miles w/ 1,600 feet of gain.

53.

You get up at about 6am and run up to the top of Mount Sanitas and back from your apartment.  Legs are feeling pretty sluggish.  Once you make it to the big climb, it’s mostly a hike.  You do it just in time too b/c it rains most of the rest of the day. 

1 hr 40 min

9.4 miles

1,355 feet

54.

AM:

Run Lair O’ The Bear.  Only four miles of the trail.  Just a break from work.

PM:
D and J and you all had limited time so you went right for the vertical.  Green Mountain.

When you did your dishes this morning at 3:30 am b/f work, you must have forgotten to wash two of your spoons b/c they still dirty and on your bed when you got home today.  Courtesy of the grown child you currently live w/.  It’s all you can do…

55.

AM:

Hike Mount Sanitas.  1,250 feet.

PM:

Run Mount Sanitas 2X.  2,500 feet.  First time was at dusk, second time you needed a head torch.  You saw the reflections of hundreds of eyes on your way down.  They were deer, presumably.  You run fast just in case…

Cheyenne Mountain 50k

64.

Alarm at 3am.  You decided to get up a half hour earlier than you needed to, to do some exercises.  You’ve been reading more and more about fighters doing REALLY hard workouts a few hours b/f their fight.  Then they have time to recover and when they get into the cage, they are not redlining for the first time that day.  When the heart rate jacks up, they are more comfortable w/ it.  So you go outside on the sidewalk at 3 am and do a hundred down and ups.  You break a sweat, heart rate goes up really high.  People are out walking home from various parties.  You pack up the truck and make the 90 min drive w/ JMP.  She is running the 25k.  Her farthest distance race.  You are excited as you always are on race morning.  No caffeine. 

You get there early enough to take a snooze and walk Roxy and warm up.  You start just behind the lead pack, as always.  You all run up a big climb right from go.  It’s not long b/f you can’t see the leaders.  Alex Nichols was on the start line and he came in 2^nd at the Pikes Peak marathon right after Killian Jornet.  There’s serious talent at today’s race. 

You fall into your own pace and chat w/ a few folks.  You hold back and try and conserve energy.  The mountains down here in Cheyenne Mountain State Park and dry.  Really dry.  The temperature is warm right from the start.  You drink as much as you can w/ only one water bottle.  The course is broken up into four different loops.  Well, two loops repeated twice for the 50k-ers.  You enjoy the course, end up running by yourself for a while.  When you are ¾ of the way done, you see JMP, done w/ her race, walking Roxy.  You yell and wave and she yells back and cheers for you.  It fills you w/ excitement and makes the day seem so much more sweet.  You have so much to be thankful for.  Four months ago, you weren’t able to run at all.  But being fired up only lasts so long w/ 21 miles on your legs and the day just getting hotter and hotter.  The last ten miles take forever.  You’re hiking more than you’d like to admit.  You run out of water w/ 5 miles to the next aid station.  When you finally get there you drink down 3 cokes, 1 heed and a bottle of water.  You fill up your bottle and head down for the last 3 miles home.  It’s downhill.  It hurts.  The quads are blown up.  But you did it.  You can see the finish line.  It sends a surge through you and you pick your pace up for the last mile.  Over 4,000 ft of elevation gain.  When you cross the finish line, you put your hands up and your head down.  Your first 50k of the year.  Longest distance so far this year.  And all just a warm up for next weekend.  In exactly one week, you’ll still have another 20 miles to go after the 50k mark.  Collegiate Peaks 50 miler.  Why you signed up for two big races on back to back weekends, you’ll never know…

week b/f Cheyenne Mountain 50k

65.

Work 12.  You listen to at least 6 different podcasts while driving around the back country mountain roads.  The Joe Rogan Experience, Think Tank w/ Ari Shaffir, The Church of What’s Happening w/ Joey Diaz, Smodcast w/ Kevin Smith and Scott Mosier, The Duncan Trussel Experience and the Drunken Taoist.  These guys are your friends and they keep you company on the long drives and the long runs.  You go home and pack up for the weekend.  Go to JMP’s and eat and crash.  50k in the morning!

66.

Your day off.  You don’t feel comfortable really at all at home these days.  So you wake up and pack up for the day and go to the store and get some breakfast and go over to JMP’s and make a leisurely breakfast while she’s at work.  You lounge and let the food settle and then head out for a little 6 mile jaunt along the creek path.  Spend the rest of the day w/ your nose in a book. 

You’ll be moving soon.  In another few weeks, you’ll be moving to Louisville.  It’s much smaller than Boulder but only 15 minutes out of town.  The rent is way cheaper b/c it’s further from the mountains.  You’re willing to compromise.  You’ll be saving so much money in rent and Louisville seems like a great little town and was voted the best place to live in the country three different years.  You’re ready to start the next chapter of your Life.  You’re ready to dump the roommate.  You don’t think you’ll be talking to him after you move.  You hate it but it’s the truth.  You want to stay on his good side in case mail etc. comes to the apartment.  You’ve seen him rip up important tax documents etc. that came w/ his old roommates name on it. 

Uh, he’s an asshole / and he rips it to shreds and throws in out w/ no second thought. 

He’s a dog abuser.  Not much more.  Even now that he’s not taking care of your dog, it’s still considered abuse as far as you’re concerned b/c when you work 14 hour days, he doesn’t check on her, give her water or anything.  And it’s sad but you reckon he’d rather do that than beat her.  Have you mentioned you’re looking forward to starting the next chapter of your Life?

67.

After work, you and Roxy run up Mount Sanitas from the trailhead.  It’s only about 3.2 miles but the vert slows you down a lot.  24 minutes up and about 14 down.  Tappering back a little for the Cheyenne Mountain 50k this weekend.

68.

13.5 hours of work doesn’t leave much time for exercise.  B#2 is in jail for a couple of days b/c he punched some dude in January.  It’s nice to have the place to yourself, even if it is just for two or three days.  JMP makes some fantastic stuffed peppers and you don’t hold back. 

69.

You listen to the audiobook Look Homeward Angel while working today.  You hope you’ll still find everything you loved about Thomas Wolfe when you’d first read all of his stuff nearly a decade ago.  After just a few chapters in, you are convinced.  He stands as one of the greatest writers of all time.  His novels are pure poetry.  You’ll never, ever get over Thomas Wolfe. 

JMP needed some help straightening her landlord out after you get off work today.  It’s a pleasure. 

Gym:

45 minutes of easy weights, stretching, foam rolling.

3 miles.  1 @ 8, 2 @ 7

One hour of Vinyassa Flow yoga. 

And you came home to a quiet apartment.  Ahhh…

70.

Slow start to the day.  You take Rox to the park, eat breakfast, eat lunch, have some caffeine.  All of this b/f you finally get out for a run.  It’s a lackadaisical 10 miles.  You have a beer afterwards in the trailhead parking lot. 

71.

It’s Saturday.  It’s supposed to be your day off but you volunteered to go in and help out.  You bike it in.  15.5 miles each way.  You only work a little over 3 hours. 

It’s the loneliest day of your Life.  You talk to no one.  No one talks to you.  During the week you drive.  In the PM, you train.  On the weekends, well…you train and work.

drama

72.

Today you ate:

3 bananas, 1 pear, 2 zucchini (raw), 1 bag of baby carrots, 2 apples, some PB and honey (on one of the bananas) and a protein shake.

Today you worked:

11.5 hours

Today you drove:

235 miles.

Today you ran:

9.8 miles w/ 640 ft (around Boulder while the college kids were out partying).

73.

You and JMP drive up to Brainard and snowshoe through the mountains.  When you get up to the lake it's about 80 mph winds and freezing.  It's over a couple hours to get 6 miles.  The snow up there was anywhere btwn 4-15 feet high.  Beautiful day!

 

74.

Up at 3 am for work.  You had gone to bed at 10 and as soon as you got to sleep, the tv came on and B #2 and Millan were watching Django Unchained at full volume.  You lay in bed listening to the whole movie.  You ended up w/ an hour of sleep or so.  Then work.

11.5 hours driving through snowstorms in the mountains. 

As tired as you are after work, there’s still a few hours of daylight.  You change and leash up Rox and head to Chat.  You run up Green Mountain.  6.5 miles and 1,745 ft.  About two hours of work.  Beautiful day.  You stop at JMP’s and the grocery store but wearing your cold, wet running clothes isn’t doing you any favors.  You get an extreme chill.  Hurry home.  Shower.  It’s been a long day.  You spend the rest of the night on the computer.  Some writing, some time wasting…

75.

Your work day is short.  You come home and change clothes and leash up Roxypoo.  Out the door and straight up to Mount Sanitas from the apartment in a snow storm.  10 miles w/ 1,355 ft.  It feels fantastic.  When you get home, B #2 is home.  You and him haven’t spoken in almost a week. 

Sup / he says.

You don’t say anything.  He left for the weekend w/ his mess everywhere.  He’s been smoking cigarettes in the house.  You have nothing to say. 

You know / he says / --I think I’m just gonna give you your 60 day notice.

You’re evicting me?

Yeah.  60 days. 

On what grounds?

I don’t need any grounds.

Oh, so you’re gonna be an asshole about it. 

Don’t call me an asshole!  You’re the asshole! / he completely losses his mind here / --you’re the one who walks around here and doesn’t say anything to my friends, you just walk around like a sullen teenager!

Ummm, ok.  Loud and clear then.  60 days, I’ll be out / he doesn’t know you’ve already been looking at other places and just secured an OUTSTANDING apartment today.  Cheap too!

You walk to your bedroom and he’s cursing the sky / Come into my house and don’t say hi to me…

You are proud of how calm you remained.  It must be b/c your body is coursing w/ endorphins.  You take a shower.  Your 60 day notice was magically slipped under your bedroom door when you were in the shower.  He says Roxy sheds too much, you used his bathtub to clean her, you leave dishes in the sink and some other lame stuff.  Really?  Ok.  You’re both getting what you want here.  No sense making a big thang…

You go over to JMP’s and you both laugh your asses of at his 60 day notice.  He texts you and tells you he needs you to sign it. 

No prob / you reply.

Thanks / he replies back. 

76.

You aren’t able to sleep at your house anymore b/c there is no peace there.  He doesn’t clean up after his parties and leaves it for you.  You don’t clean it up so it sits all weekend.  It’s Sunday.  You run Roxy 4 miles.  Then you go to the gym and lift weights and do pull ups until you have no muscle left in your arms.  Then you do 4 more on the elliptical. 

77.

You initially met B #2 at the dog park right by your apartment.  He’d had some crazy x-roommate stories of his own.  He had a heroin addict for a while there.  He called the cops on him and the guy started shooting a sling shot at the cops cars from his bedroom window.  You promised him you didn’t do heroin and weren’t schizophrenic.  He was looking for a hefty price but you got the master bedroom.  You both agreed. 

Everything was perfect.  My house is your house, my food is your food etc.  B #2 was much more normal that B #1.  The neighbors had warned me that B #2 likes to drink. 

Like, what…drink a lot and destroy the house?

No, just drink a lot and slur his speech and argue.  And he has one of those blow thingies in his car.

That I can handle / you thought / --especially after B #1.  This will be cake. 

You drank w/ him a few times.  You both went to Cosco to stock up on food and cleaning supplies.  Split the price down the middle.  Stopped for a burger and beer afterwards.  This guy was going to be alright. 

Problem is, you work a lot.  Roxy is home w/out you a lot.  He had said he’d help out.  He had said, let’s feed the dogs at the same time and keep them on the same schedule.  Well, he doesn’t work.  He is a trust fund baby and doesn’t need money.  In fact, the enormous rent you’re paying him just goes to his liver.  He is home all day w/ nothing to do.  It’s not long b/f he feels like he’s taking care of your dog and holding every second of it against you. You always make sure Roxy is taken care of b/f and after work but in the mean time, it’s out of your hands.  He would take them to the park most days.  On your weekends, you’d take both dogs on some big runs or monster climbs.  They’d get 5-7 hours of exercise if you had a day off.  It seemed like a fair trade off. 

But then you started training.  You stopped drinking w/ him.  You started eating better.  You went to bed earlier.  This seemed to cause some resentment w/ him.  He started treating you differently.  You could feel the hate.  Suddenly the neighbors were all conspired and thought you’re such a bad dog owner b/c you work a lot (none of them work, all trust fund babies that drink too much).  His parties went later and later, even though you had to get up and train in the morning.  He started making rules for Roxy.  She has to stay in your bedroom while you’re working.  She can’t rough house w/ Pepper b/c they’re wrecking the floor.  You can’t use the bathtub to wash Roxy b/c it clogs up and needs to be snaked.  All the rules were new and opposite of how it was when you moved in. 

The other night when you came home, full party in swing and he wouldn’t even acknowledge you.  You said hi to everyone.  Went to your room.  It was 10 pm and you had to be up at 5.  You closed the door, hoping for rest.  The music got louder.  The laughing got louder.  You put on headphones and finally fell asleep around 2 am.

Yesterday, you followed his orders to lock Roxy up in your room when you went to work.  You came home 12 hours later and he had never even checked on her or let her out.  She had a dry water dish and was excited to see you.  He had spent the day partying in the house, playing poker and drinking.  He now smokes in the house too. You can only be SO nice.

AM:
Run JMP’s LSD Saturday run.  15 miles at 10:00 min/miles.

78.

When you first moved to Colorado, you didn’t know anyone.  You scoured Cragslist for potential roommates.  You finally found someone who lazily said / No, the room hasn’t been taken yet / and you set something up to go and look at it. 

The apartment was nice.  The roommate was ok too.  He was a young college kid.  Seemed like it would work out just fine.  Until a few weeks later when you were moving your things into the apartment.  Bad omen #1:  Roxy hated him.  Roxy loves everyone but she would not stop barking at him.  Bad omen #2:  Your first conversation was about aliens.  Bad omen #3:  Your second conversation was about conference calls.  He was weird.  There’s lots of weirdos in Boulder.  Nothing to worry about, you told yourself.  But as the days followed, the eccentricities came out.  He seemed very uncomfortable w/ you there.  So you treaded lightly.  Spent time in coffee shops and elsewhere.  He wasn’t friendly w/ Roxy at all.  One day you came home and he was pointing a crossbow out the window at all the people in the dog park.  You questioned him on it but he didn’t have much of an answer.  He stopped taking care of himself.  Stopped washing.  You politely told him he smelled ripe.  He took a shower and seemed to think nothing of it.  Then he started talking to himself.  At first, it was just laughter.  He would be up all night, laughing at himself.  For hours.  It would wake you up and freak you out.  Then he started talking and laughing to himself when you were in the other room. 

What’s so funny? / you asked.

Oh / B #1 became uncomfortable right away / --just laughing at old stories…old funny stories.

Oh yeah, I crack myself up all the time dude / you blew it off so he wouldn’t feel uneasy.  He would occasionally try to talk to you about religion.  He seemed to want to pursue some sort of religious calling.  You suggested some of the eastern religions.  When someone like him gets a hold of Christianity, all sorts of people usually end up shot, unfortunately.  You suggested meditation. 

One day you were leaving for work and he was in his underwear on the couch w/ his eyes rolled back in his head and he was drooling on himself. 

Are you ok? / you asked.

He half snapped out of it and replied:

Oh yeah, just tired.

That day at work, you called his dad and told him you were worried.  He said that he was too and wanted to talk. 

You explained everything you saw and told him you aren’t a doctor but it sure seems like schizophrenic behavior to you.  His dad opened up and told you of a whole host of problems and conditions B #1 had been diagnosed w/ since he was a kid, schizophrenia being one of them.  He’d been hospitalized.  Medicated.  Through treatment and they thought he was cured.  He’d gone back to school and gotten stellar grades.  But your moving in had disrupted him and he’d stopped taking his meds.  His dad got a court ordered document stating he needed to be hospitalized.  Cops came and got him.  He was non-violent.  Blamo.  You’ve got the apartment to yourself. 

It was nice at first.  No one knew when he’d be back.  Probably a few days.  You cooked food in your underwear, played music loud and play-wrestled w/ Roxy.  Life was good. 

Days turned into weeks.  He was very ill.  He could be gone a long time.  A month went by.  Two. 

Then you got a phone call. 

Brian escaped the hospital and we expect him to come home to you.

It was the night b/f the Boulder marathon and I desperately wanted rest.  As soon as it got dark, you heard him scrambling up the second floor balcony.  He tried the door, you had it locked.  He knocked.  You didn’t answer.  He knocked some more and eventually just sat down on the balcony.  You called the cops.  

My roommate just escaped the loony bin and he’s here trying to get in my house. I think you guys are looking for him. 

Cops came and took him away.  You heard it all from the other room.  All he wanted to do was sit down on his couch.  He wanted it more than anything.  Cops wouldn’t let him.  They took him back.  You had the place to yourself again.  Glory!

There was word of him getting out soon.  He’d been locked up for three months.  You found another roommate, one who’s not schizophrenic.  Just alcoholic.  You were sure the alcoholism would be much easier to deal w/ than schizophrenia, right?  Ha! 

Today:

Work 11.5 hours

Run 4 miles hard.  100 push ups, 100 squats, 100 crunches

79.

Day off from work.  You gear up and get ready for a day in the mountains.  Your plan is to run the entire way w/ no hiking.  That plan quickly changes to just time on your feet.  You are not feeling it today.  You cut the run short and get about 13.5 miles.  1,700 ft of gain.  Nothing special.  Just some muddy miles. 

You spend the rest of the day wandering around town and hanging out in coffee shops and looking at apartments.  You have no place to relax.  Your roommate is bound and determined to hate.  He beats your dog.  And his dog for that matter.  You counter it w/ love.  Or at least you try.  It’s your job for him to see love and compassion in your eyes.  You get so angry and you just want to react.  But then you remember to breathe.  So you keep Roxy away from home as much as possible.  No place to relax.

80.

You can’t sleep so you got up early and go to the gym.  100 down and ups, 100 crunches, run 4 miles.  You only have an hour to kill so you squeeze everything out of it you can. 

You spend the day praying and meditating and fasting.  Your living situation is quickly becoming toxic.  You and JMP want to move in together anyhow.  The next month and a half may be ugly.  You give your worries up.  You give them back to God or the universe or whoever gave them to you.  You don’t need the stress.  It’s all just a test.  What would Jesus do?  What would the Dali Lama do?  Love. 

81.

Rest day.  Roommate drama.  Looking at apartment listings.  Stress. 

4-8-13

82.

150 push ups, 150 squats, 200 crunches, 50 down and ups, leg extensions, leg curls, shoulder press, bike 21.4 miles and run 1 mile.

2 Hummus wraps, 1 pint of ice cream.

83.

AM:

Hike Mount Sanitas.  3.3 miles w/ 1,400 ft of gain. 

Today is your last day working at the Boulder Running Company.  You hug it out w/ everyone and say your goodbyes.  All great folks that you hope will keep in touch.  You plan to make it a point to visit them often. 

PM:

Run Mount Sanitas.  3.3 miles w/ 1,400 ft of gain. 

27 minutes to the top.

14 minutes down. 

Total time—41 minutes 10 seconds.  Picnic table to picnic table.  You run up and down faster than you really ever have.  Just to get a feel for it gives you such a high.  The endorphins help, of course.  You feel great about this run all night.  B #2 cooks pork chops, rice and broccoli.  Afterwards you’re still starving.  You eat 2 more gigantic hummus wraps and a half bag of Doritos.

84.

Busy day.  After work you barely have time to do 100 push ups, 100 crunches, 100 squats and run Roxy 1.5 miles.  That’s it. 

85.

After working a long day, you just want to go to the gym, run 8 miles on the tready and do 100 down and ups and 100 crunches and call it a day.  But that’s impossible when your roommate is having another party.  Now granted, the man can cook, especially when he’s drinking.  So it’s nice that they have steak, rice and salad ready for you when you get home from the gym.  But bed is something that’s not going to be happening for a while.  At least not tonight…

86.

You have a full day of trying to get your finances together and find ways to save money.  You make a lot of phone calls and by noon you are full of green tea and angst, so you put some shorts on and hit the trails.  You run up Green Mountain and back.  It’s about 10 miles w/ 1,900 ft.  Couple hours.  You return home, feeling better.  You finish your calls and end up feeling good about your day.  JMP calls and says she feels like margaritas.  You are done exercising for the day and after finding out just how broke you really are, you could use a drAAAnk.  You both have the three margarita limit and walk home.  You are both happy and scream:

Here we are world!

87.

Work 10.5 hours.

After work you go to the gym.  You rush to get 10 hard miles on the bike and a 1 mile brick run.  Not much but it’s all you have time for. 

You’re tired.  You have nothing else to say…

88.

Work 11.5 hours.

REST.  No exercise today.  Now that it’s April, it’s time to up the ante.  In March, you did over 1,500 push ups, over 1,500 squats and ran a little bit too.  In April, you are going for 100 push ups a day.  100 squats a day.  100 crunches a day.  And run everyday after today’s rest day. 

89.

Mondays are relatively easy for you.  Work is only about seven hours.  Afterwards, you have enough daylight to leash up Roxy and head to Mount Sanitas.  It’s about a ten miler from the apartment w/ 1,400 ft of gain and just as much descent.  You climb the east ridge which you’d never done b/f.  The run feels really good.  You feel strong.  The legs take a while to respond but when they do, they do so nicely. 

At night you find out some bad news.  You owe the IRS a lot of money.  You don’t know what you’re going to do.  Should you stay up all night worrying?  Eh, maybe tomorrow…

90.

You bike half way out to Estes.  JMP and Nica meet you for a picnic.  It’s Easter and everyone has the day off.  You hate Easter.  A few years back, on Easter weekend, you were up all night putting the final touches on one of your books.  You wrote almost ten thousand words that night.  Your plan was to print up that draft and then you’d have a hard copy to correct.  You hit the print button and all 350 pages of the book disappeared right b/f your eyes.  It was suddenly nowhere on the computer.  You pretty much had a nervous breakdown right then and there.  It was as close to losing a child as you’d ever come.  You cried for days.  You had family over for Easter that year and it felt awful.  You wanted to die.  You’d never been so sad. 

You and JMP and Nica have a few beers at Oscar Blues and they give you a ride back.  Only 25 miles for the day.  What a failure.  You get home and there are people at your place and everyone is drinking and playing cards.  You join them.  The day quickly falls through your fingertips…

91.

Work for eight hours.  One of the team members has cancer and it has spread throughout his entire body.  He is a little older.  Nice gentleman.  Has traveled and lived around the world.  Just bought himself a 29er mountain bike w/ big aspirations to do some racing.  It’s pretty sad.  We can go at any time.  You know that.  Others are confused.  They cry and ask / WHY? / and you wonder if they think about death at all.  Why?  Well, because ALL of us are going to die.  You think about it all the time.  Friends, dead.  Family, dead.  Call it morbid but everyone is going to die.  That’s what you were born to do.  There is 100% chance.  It’s just part of Life.  It’s just as beautiful as Life.

After work you run a few laps around the lake.

You go home and go to the gym.  Weights, core, elliptical, stretch and roll.  You go home and there is a very loud party going on.  They are all walking black outs.  You go to JMP’s house and sleep on the hard floor.

3-29-13

92.

Work 11.5 hours. 

Gym.

Run 1 mile, weights and core.

Swim 1000 yards, sauna.

93.

You wake up and made a little breakfast.  You leash up Roxy and head out to look for about 20-25 miles.  This is in preparation for a 50k that you plan to run in a month.  Most of that race is pretty runable and even though you want to just bag peaks all day, you choose a route that’s a bit more manageable.  You choose to run the Mesa Trail from your apartment.  The Mesa trail is about 13 miles back and forth.  You live about 5 miles from the trailhead.  It’s a beautiful day.  Warm enough for shorts and a t shirt.  It’s a 4 hr 15 min run when all was said and done.  You have wet muddy feet for most of the day.  Roxy is in mud heaven.  And you end up w/ 2010 ft of vert gain.  And you end up w/ just shy of 22 miles.  You fueled w/ :

2 Pocket Fuels

2 Baby food (the kind you can just eat like a gel)

1 Gu

2 liters of water

In the PM you go to dinner w/ a couple of friends.  You can’t stop eating.  The three of you watch the movie version of On the Road.  You’d been wanting to see it.  That book changed your Life.  That was the first book that opened your eyes to the fact that you can just write about whatever you want in whatever words you want.  You can make up your own language and talk about all the things that people are scared to say.  When you found out that books like that existed, you searched for more books like that and that journey has been ongoing ever since.  Kerouac led you to so many other authors.  Kerouac is still one of your favorites and The Sunterraneans and The Dharma Bums are a couple of your all time favorite books.  You can’t imagine your Life w/out discovering those books. 

94.

Today is an easy day at the gym.  You are saving yourself for tomorrow.  Today, you did a lot of abs and core work, rows, pull ups and tricep kickbacks and pushdowns.  Then you go out to a little Irish bar to meet some friends.  You don’t have a drop.  You’re saving yourself for tomorrow…

95.

Up at 3:30 am.  You go home, pack a bag for a day of work and leave the apartment by 4:30 am.  You get the feeling B #2 is getting tired of taking care of Roxy.  You are either always working, or at JMP’s and there’s no dogs allowed there.  You head to work and drive in the mountains for 10.5 hours.  You see lots of elk and gray fox.  At about 10 am the cryptic and angry text messages begin.  What would Buddha do?  Or Jesus?  Or the Dali Lama? 

You go for a 7 mile run w/ Roxy right after you get home.  When you get back from your run is the time that the neighbors are usually all outside w/ their dogs.  B #2 is always w/ them.  Afterwards, they either drink all night or they don’t.  Tonight, they’re already drinking.  You can feel the vibe.  He’s been talking about you.  They are all looking at you.  But you are feeling so good after the run, you won’t let them get you down. 

Hey! / you yell at them, beaming ear to ear. 

They stand there.  Heads low.  Hands in pockets.  Looking at you like you’re an alien. 

What a nice evening! / you yell and head straight upstairs.  You imagine they’re laughing at your Hokas.  You imagine they’re laughing at your running tights.  No matter.  Kill them w/ kindness.  Kill them w/ kindness…

He wants you to buy dog food, you buy the dog food.  He wants light bulbs, you buy him light bulbs.  He wants the $20 you owe him from god knows what, you pay him w/ a smile.  You do everything he is trying to bully you to do and do it immediately and w/ kindness.  You buy him a 12 pack of his favorite beer and put it in the fridge w/out saying anything.  You want to be kindness and love, not knee jerk reactions and anger.  This is just a test.  You want people to look at you and see love.  You may be a long way away from that, but that is the goal.  You are manifesting God and love into your Life on a daily basis.  So when someone texts you or says something nasty and is just looking for a response, either don’t respond or respond w/ love.  You have to.  You feel it inside.  You know you are supposed to be the example for everyone else to see.  You are the alien.  You are the missionary…

You go to the gym.  When you are 25 minutes into your bike ride, you get the text:

Hey bro, I really appreciate the beer and everything you did today.  I hope you’re not mad at me or something.  We’re downstairs drinking if you want to chill man.  Or let me know if I pissed you off.  Have a good one

So you feel like you won the battle.  Somehow.  Not that any of it matters.  But if feels like you are headed in the right direction…

96.

Monday. 

Your Achilles is a little sore at work. You wear your compression socks and don’t sweat it.  You know you’ll roll out and ice after work and you have the confidence that this injury is finally on the downslope. 

By the time you’re done w/ work it feels good and you head to the gym for an easy workout.  3 miles on the tready, stretch, roll, sauna while massaging leg. 

97.

One hour drive.

You fit people for running shoes, give running advice, congratulate on races, wish luck on upcoming races, tell a few of your own stories for six hours. 

Run 7 / 7:00 min. miles w/ Danny after work.  He’s a fast little sucker.  While you are running he asks:

Have you ever eaten at Larkburger?

Yeah.

Wanna go to Larkburger after we run?

You thought about it but just weren’t that hungry.

Na, I’ll pass this time man.  Maybe next time. 

After the run, you go to Barnes and Nobel to change out of wet running clothes and get a hot tea to warm yourself up.  Suddenly you got these crazy hunger pains out of nowhere.  You were starving. 

I’m going to Larkburger / you tell yourself. 

Then you drive the hour home.  You love coming over the hill and seeing Boulder shimmering in the distance at night.  It feels like home now.  It feels like a hug.  It feels more welcoming than any other place you’ve ever been b/f. 

Later on you watch This is 40 w/ B #2 while foam rolling, stretching and icing.  Pretty funny movie…

98.

Starting to feel better.  Have a snow day and don’t feel good enough to head out to the mountains w/ the snowshoes like you wished you did.  But you feel good enough to get to the gym and do 4 on the elliptical and 1 on the mill.  After that you do your push ups and squats and then foam roll the legs.  Come home and do 125 decline push ups, 125 squats, 250 crunches and 5 minutes worth of wall sits. 

99.

Sick.  Sick of being sick.  Worked 12 hours today.  Going to bed at 8 pm so I can make it to work tomorrow.  No run today. 

100.

100 days out from Western States 100.  This is where it gets real. 

You’re still sick but you forced yourself out the door today for a little run.  2.83 miles.  It felt good to get outside.  Forced the 50 push ups and 50 squats.  Foam and rumble rolled.  You were sick through your whole weekend.  Wiped right off the map.  Tomorrow is Friday but it’s your Monday. 

Training is going well, other than being sick.  You rested most of today.  Watched the movie The Master and LOVED it.  It was dark on SO many levels.  Tonight you are going out to see The Pines at a club called E-Town.